I ran across something I wrote in 2009 when I first starting letting myself be vulnerable online. Really putting myself out there and making connections with others that felt the same way.
“I’ve been trying to define myself. Really get to the core of me. Who I am. What I stand for. Where I come from. What’s my look. What’s my style. And it’s been incredibly humbling. For a second there, I kinda got lost. I was thinking way too much about being the coolest, stylish, most awesome me that I was forgetting the best part. I was forgetting to actually be me.
Last week, over wine, red velvet cupcakes and some amazing friends, I had a thought. This is the me I want to capture – the giggles, the honesty, the comfort, the unabashed interest in seeing through to another person’s heart. I’d take a picture if I could but then you couldn’t hear my childish laugh. You couldn’t smell my color-extend shampoo. You couldn’t feel my warm hugs. That is when I realized it. I can’t possibly define me. I have to just BE me. And that’s all I can ever do.”
I am blown away that I still feel the same way about self discovery, two years later. I often forget that life moves faster than I realize. If I don’t make a valiant effort to be aware of who I am, I may get lost in the shuffle. I never want to be complacent. I want the most out of every experience. I want to love until it hurts. I want to laugh loud and be excited and whip my hair back and forth and enjoy all of my moments. As me.